24th December, 2013
Mummy the Shield
What was I thinking taking my over sensitive self and more to the point my son with sensory processing to to a 10pm HiLo bram session???? To my defence I didn't know all night shopping was the new in thing in Maraval and that a million people would jump into their cars and swarm like killer bees into the supermarket in the middle of the night, or that there would be live music and 45 minute check out queues :-S
The guilt grew as my son got paler and paler and buzzing in my head was Aliya Drakes' article about how debilitating supermarket trips can be to those with sensory processing difficulties, but with my intrepid soul I pushed on, desperate to get one of those huge salmons before they invariably sold out, leaving me Christmas dinnerless, and determined to not have to come back on Christmas eve which could be even worse. In the interests of efficiency we adopted the tactic of my son lining up with the trolley while I grabbed the last few items, but each time I returned I could see him slowly imploding, and I was scared for the woman in front's achilles as my boy's grip on the trolley got more and more rigid and forceful.
Funnily enough though, once I finally rejoined him, giving up on any further crucial last minute items, he held onto me quite firmly but calmed right down and was able to chat away quite animatedly. At that moment I realised something so profound and humbling. I am his shield. Once I am with him and he turns his hyperfocus onto me, all the dangers of the world melt away into insignificance.
December, 2013.
The Homeopath & the Existential Crisis
I went to my homeopath yesterday with my son. After a three hour wait we went in. Fortunately Mulan was showing this time on the waiting room TV screen so I wasn't forced to sit through the turgid storyline of a 3rd rate Indian movie. Although the Disney attempts at entertainment which followed Mulan did force me, by the 3rd inane episode, to find an Australian crocodile hunting show on Animal Planet.....anyway I digress....
Before I continue, please understand that I have the utmost faith in this particular doctor, and yes he is a medically trained doctor who has chosen to follow in his father's footsteps in the realm of energy healing as he clearly finds it more effective. However, despite the fact it is highly scientific and in fact mathematical, to me it really represents a magic wand that gets waved at me and I invariably feel a whole heap better, sometimes within hours, if I'm not in too bad a state, sometimes it will take a couple of weeks, if my energy is really in the doldrums....and with my volatile nature I've had multiple experiences of both.
The system is vega testing whereby you hold a metal bar in your right hand, then he holds a 'proddy thing' to quote my son to the index finger on the other hand which registers your reaction to various things. I do tell my students to never use the word 'things' in their writing; however, in this case it really is the most specific word as it the 'thing' in question could be anything from a trace mineral to something as mundane as flour; it could be a rare flower only found in the hills of Japan or a vitamin I happened to bring along to see if it was doing me any good. Anything can be run through a vega tester. To me, the most fascinating part of the process, however, is that most of these 'things' are represented by their frequency as plotted in a 4x4 number square!
I imagine the skeptics amongst you are snorting loudly by now, muttering about placebos and knocking back a couple of Panadols to deal with the headache caused by actually reading such tosh.... and that's perfectly understandable, because it all is rather odd and it somewhat defies conventional thinking when it comes to feeling better. But for me the effects are so profound, I've come to rely on it to rebalance me and keep my smile intact throughout emotionally trying times and most importantly of all, keep me and my family incredibly healthy.
So what did he pick up yesterday? An uncharacteristic crisis of confidence, and a dearth of spiritual connectedness. As well as a stiff neck I didn't even tell him about and inertia in the sacral chakra. And he was of course and as usual spot on.
My son's refusal to attend school this term challenged me so profoundly as a mother, as a teacher, as a problem solver....never in life have I felt so hopeless, I literally didn't know what to do. At first I tried on a daily basis to get him to go in, waking him up early, force feeding him breakfast, handing him his clothes....but to no avail. I dropped it down to once every few days to limit my growing sense of frustration then it got to once a week. Eventually I took it to a psychiatrist who said to leave him as pushing him could increase the risk of psychosis. Making her diagnosis in a few minutes, she informed me that school refusal in pubescent years is not uncommon for Asperger's kids so she was hardly surprised. She also said that had we got this diagnosis before we could have created a summer vacation gradual entry plan which may have helped him integrate. Who knows if it could've worked...the kid's so utterly stubborn I doubt it would've made a blind bit of difference.
So there's the crises of confidence right there. My confidence to be able to deal with any and everything is something I've always relied on. Suddenly there I was, all out of inspiration. It didn't help that my daughter's mood also took a dip leaving me with two very unhappy children :-(
As for the spiritual aspect....I got that too. I'm not a religious person, never have been; however, I do my Reiki, sending it hither and yon, I meditate on occasion and have been know to omm in yoga. My doc was particularly concerned that I address this aspect and had the good sense to not suggest how as he saw it as me losing faith in the world being a happy and safe place. I guess I've been struggling to see that cup as half full, struggling to see how the future could possibly unfold in a better way than the present, wondering how the hell I am going to double my salary in the next few months and triple it by the following year. Lost the faith in myself really that I, those who depend on me, will be OK.
So here it is, my mantra for the day: I am and will continue to be well and happy and wealthy.
As for my son's big discovery: he's apparently allergic to chicken!!
16th December, 2013.
Big Christmas Vacation Plans...
First day of the Christmas vacation, and I'm determined to not let it slip away this year. The inboxes have reached fever pitch, to the point where the one in the living room spews all over the desk and floor with only the slightest provocation....and then there's my plants which have been sitting around scraggily, waiting desperately for attention. Operation window boxes has to happen this time!
I was so thrilled to receive a Poinsettia as a Christmas gift from one of my students. I thought this would be the perfect start to the reordering and rebalancing of the Feng Shui which must be out of sync right now. So I replaced the incredibly dead cactus outside the front door with this beacon of Christmas cheer, a whole heap more welcoming I felt. Unfortunately, within hours the leaves had shrivelled and the poor little plant was looking entirely miserable. Very disappointing. Can't work out if it was the blast of sun I hadn't realised it would get in that location, or it just sat around at school too long. But at least it triggered me to make that change and now the hunt is on for a positive entry plant and soon!!
The real challenge though, of course is getting my twelve year old Asperger's son back into a rhythm which would allow him to return to school in the new year after a 3 month absence. A gentle activity everyday, leaving the house almost everyday and breakfast, lunch and dinner at regular times is the basic plan. Clearing out his room of all the broken toys which have been lurking there in various plastic boxes is another part of the plan which he is very reluctant to make happen, but the Feng Shui must be really bad inside there too!
We've started weekly walks round the Savannah which we have been sticking too, despite my exhaustion from various triathletic activities and these are great times to talk and reflect as well as extracting him from the computer. We also have now befriended a coconut vendor who fixes us up with a lagniappe from time to time. I just have to keep moderate and not be my usual terribly enthusiastic self. My son and I do not move at the same pace....a real hare and tortoise scenario...so I have to constantly check myself that we're not overdoing it which would be so very counterproductive to the point of destructive! I also have to watch his moods as what can work one day certainly can't the next. But I'm optimistic that we can do this.
So today, the big plan is for him to get up at 9am (we're easing back to 7.30, although school, when it finally comes will be more like 6). Unfortunately that was five minutes ago....but I'm finishing off here.... then we go to our wonderful Homeopath this afternoon to balance my energy and to work out if my son is in fact lactose and wheat intolerant like me. This will be enough for him for today as it's quite a long drive.
As for me, I'll probably run later as it won't be enough activity for me by any stretch of the imagination, and then I can do my core work, which always feels almost appealing after a run.... So there's the day's plan.
Going to waken the boy now....
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