Meditation

I started meditating about 3 weeks ago.  Of course I'd been meaning to do it for ages, and dabbled in it from time to time.  Then of course there are many meditative experiences I have without consciously meditating...writing in a journal on waking, or before sleep, Savasana at the end of a yoga class, running or walking....

But to actually, deliberately meditate on a regular basis has been a whole new experience for me.  Suddenly I can swim freely, without anxiety, as if all the battles I'd been having had nothing to do with fitness or muscle building.  Running too has become more fluid, and I can now actually understand why someone would choose to run a marathon.  Happiness, never exactly lacking for me, has taken on a new quality as again, anxiety is diminishing. 

Now there are probably as many ways to meditate as there are people on this planet...so I'll just say what I do... 

First I take the countdown from the centering exercise from the Silva Method, which gives you an association for the numbers 3, 2 & 1 to allow you to get into a quiet alert state.  Level 3 is for physical relaxation, level 2 is for mental relaxation and level 1 is to let go.  Once you've done this meditation alone, the whole way through a couple of times, (it's about 26 minutes) you can just picture and mentally repeat the numbers 3,2 and 1 and get into the meditative state fast.

So after my 3,2,1, I just continue to count backwards.  I started at 10 as I know my propensity to lose focus and then get self critical for losing count...however, within  a couple of days I allowed myself to progress to 20, and then 100.  I can't always get all the way to zero from 100  without getting distracted, but that's OK, I just pick it up or start over.  Then if I'm really struggling I go back to 20s or 10s.

At first in order to be able to count all the way down from 10, I visualised the numbers as if they were jumping off a ruler at me, but I don't seem to need to do that any more.

As I sit there, and it's usually about half an hour, (although I may have to cut that once I go back out to work,) I go in and out of awareness. I like to sit on a cushion, on the rug on my balcony and let my pet rabbits hop around.  Rabbits are so skittish in general, but when I'm that still, one of them in particular comes and puts her little paws on my leg, or nuzzles me.  Sometimes I'm aware of the outdoor sounds: birds, cars, distant voices, phones ringing; sometimes I'm totally zoned out. I try to keep my eyes closed, but then the rabbits knock over something or jump into the guinea pig cage so I peep to check it out.  

When enough time seems like it has elapsed I open my eyes.  Everything tends to look a bit different, a bit mundane perhaps....the walls look a little too solid, the furniture too static, so I realise I travelled to somewhere more fluid and ethereal.  I usually sit a while with a silly smile on my face as the breeze, sometimes from the fan, cools my skin. I always feel peaceful.

So the trick will now be to keep it going on a daily basis, even if the time needs a little cropping.  It is working for me just as all the many meditation advocates have been advocating for years!  My anxiety levels, which are never crippling, but can be stifling are dropping dramatically....and my triathlon skills seem to be inexplicably improving.  I have a great deal I wish to achieve this academic year...so let's see if the meditation will give me the necessary calm to  do it all!